Legend Squared
by Color Me Berserk
Summary: I was a hero for the ages. No threat was too great for me to overcome. I killed a lich on a blood stone, saved the empire of the dragon from the madness of Shiro Tagachi, put down the insane god Abaddon, and lulled the destroyers back to their slumber. In my spare time I even managed to unite Kryta and accidentally destroy Cantha. Now I have to save the world again from dragons.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Heyo. This is something I have wanted to fool around with for a long time. It's kinda a running joke among me and some friends to make up stupid shit that the gw1 player character has been doing this entire time since Anet says nothing about it, and when they do say things its not fun at all. So i figured, hey, how funny would it be if they reincarnated as the commander the entire time? After all the gw1 characters you meet all seem to recognize you.**

 **So that should be fun.**

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Legend Squared Chapter 1: Born Again

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By the gods... where in torment am I?

I can't see anything. The entire world is pitch black. Of course, I'm not even sure if my eyes are even open. Trying to shift my eyelids gives no response. Its par for the course with the rest of my body.

I'm not in the stygian veil, am I? No that should be impossible. I cleared out the remnants of that years ago. Kormir should already be fixing it up all nice and pretty. Unless she got distracted again by some more nonsense. I swear even as a goddess she can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time.

That's probably blasphemy, but Koss argued we get free passes for life since we knew her personally. The priests never had a very good response to that. Normally they would just sputter and choke on their own spit.

But back to my current condition...

Slowly the world returns to me. I still can't see, but some sensation begins to return to my limbs. All in all, its not a very pleasant experience to wake up to.

It feels like I am being crushed under some massive weight. It's squeezing on me from all sides, pulsing every few seconds. My limbs barely respond to my movements. They feel so incredibly sluggish and uncoordinated. I can't even squeeze my hand into a fist.

Mists take me, what is happening to me?

The feeling of tightness travels up my body and vanishes. An incredibly bright light blinds me despite my eyelids being closed.

"Their they go!" An airy feminine voice comes from... somewhere. It's so loud its almost deafening, yet somehow sounds like its coming from the far end of a tunnel. Echoing back and forth, reverberating in my head.

It HURTS!

A pitiful wail forces its way out of my mouth. It's a high pitched, unrecognizable thing. What is this? I am a hero! I have braved the harshest places in the mists! I have killed gods and changed the course of the entire world!

Why am I crying?

I don't think I have cried since the Searing.

Actually, scratch that, I shed a few tears at Gwen's wedding. Don't tell anyone, I have a reputation to keep up. It's hard to keep up the image of a stoic, getting things done, no nonsense leader.

Cynn never shut up about my sweet tooth once she figured it out. Even Pyre tried to bribe me with candy for time off from "hero"ing.

Something forces open my eyelids and a miniature sun is placed in front of them, blinding my sensitive eyes instantly. What kind of torture is this? Did the ministry of purity capture me somehow? Impossible. I should be back in Kryta now, shouldn't I?

"Eyes are functioning properly." The voice said again, this time sounding much closer and thankfully quieter.

The blurry figure pokes and prods me for a few minutes as my eyes slowly come into focus.

Staring at me with massive light brown eyes, greyish mottled skin and some sort of doctors' outfit on, is an Asura. Both of her arms stretch out towards me and she seems so HUGE, taking up all of my vision.

Asura are not supposed to be that tall. I'm not exactly a giant, but even my small form easily towers over any Asura I have met.

Hopefully someone will answer my questions immediately.

"Congratulations, you have birthed an adequately healthy progeny!" My vision blurs as I am shifted around. My eyes can't seem to track movement properly. The asura hands me off to another set of arms and I find myself staring up into another pair of massive grey eyes.

These are different than the other pair. I don't know what it is about them but they just... make me feel so calm and relaxed. Like I'm being held in their warm embrace. I can't bring myself to look away from the entrancing orbs.

It's quite strange.

"Oooh look at you! You look so smart already. I bet you will grow up to invent all sorts of wonderful things won't you Vaxxi?"

Say what?

The huge eyes blink slowly and I am broken free of whatever magic they have over me. Another massive head slides up next to the first, this one slightly more angular and harsher looking, but smiling wide and showing off more shard asuran teeth.

"She has my ears! So big and floppy! Although they are black like yours."

His ears are big. Compared to the asura I knew they were absolutely massive. They hang down far enough they reach his shoulders easily.

He looks quite top heavy. Perhaps he wears weighted boots to compensate.

My right arm is pulled on by the female asura and my eyes are immediately attracted to it.

Why... why does my arm look like an asura...

Why does my EVERYTHING look like an asura?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

 **AN: I'm bad at asura names. Every character i make in the game is "Color me (something)" so I'm shit at inventing names. I should just log in and PM a friend that rps or something and make them do it for me.**

 **But I'm lazy, and push comes to shove i will probably be referring to them by their titles most of the time anyway.**


	2. Chapter 2

Life as an Asura is difficult.

Not that it's a harsh life or anything. I have plenty of food and everything I could ever need in Rata Sum. I have to admit if I wasn't so small I would probably be going overboard with my eating. Years on the road, traipsing through deserts and shadowy dimensions, along with living in the ruins of Ascalon for several years left me with a particular love of food.

No, food was not the problem. The main issue is just...

I'm so fucking SMALL!

Never in my past life did I get to see a little Progeny, so I had no idea the diminutive asura were EVEN BLOODY SMALLER as children than adults!

And to make matters even worse, I am the smallest in my class.

Yes. I know. It is horrid.

In my past life I wasn't a mountain of muscle like Koss, but I was still a frickin respectable height! I don't think I would reach of to me knee! MY KNEE!

MY GLICHING KNEE!

Speaking of glitches. School is fun. Ascalon didn't exactly have schools for most things beyond fighting. The Guild Wars and Charr saw that pretty much everything was focused on war, so I don't have much to compare it too.

But I have to humbly admit, I'm pretty smart.

A genius even.

But enough of that. Did you know, the entire world is ending?

I know. Big surprise for me too. Especially considering I ALREADY SAVED THE THING SEVEN TIMES!?

Am I cursed? My entire life was dedicated to stopping annoyingly powerful forces from whipping out everything, and as soon as I... die? Vanish? Things just get worse?

WORSE!?

HOW COULD IT BE WORSE THAN A COALITION OF EVIL GODS HELLBENT ON ANNIHILATING ALL LIFE ON TYRIA YOU ASK!?

Dragons!

And not some wimpy dragons like Kuunavang or Glint. Honest to Grenth, big enough to wipe out a city, wings can start hurricanes, dragons.

Honestly, I'm a little surprised the world isn't over already. It's hard to believe there somehow managed to be almost a thousand years of relatively "Apocalypse free" time between the exodus of the gods and the gods coming back to kill us all.

Those 900 years sound pretty damn pleasant. Why couldn't I have been born in one of those?

Maybe it was only 90 years. I never did much studying on History. Most of my knowledge comes from Mhenlo. He never could shut up with his overly detailed explanations.

What a nerd!

Come to think of it he might have been the only one of us to have gone to any kind of school when we killed the lich.

Which does not lend itself well to the idea of required schooling.

Although I personally am enjoying it. I never would have expected school to include making G.O.L.E.M. arrays. Shame no one uses the spells out version of the name anymore though. I really enjoyed using the full name in conversation to annoy people.

Mostly Vekk.

But that's not important.

What is important is that I don't know what school to apply too.

I have three inventions (my little babies) that I have made to apply to college. But I'm not sure which one I should use. Or which college to apply to at all. I am a very motivated student. I just want to LEARN!

LEARN EVERYTHING!

WHY DO THEY MAKE US CHOOSE WHICH THINGS TO LEARN!?

Those... stupid... ignoramuses!

I'm fairly certain that is a word.

It might not be.

BUT!

My inventions are a Val-A golem. It's pretty much just a small golem I designed and build to carry my things. The sucker was too small for me to ride around on though so I still have to walk around.

I know. It sucks.

EVER WALK A MILE WITH A GATE THAT'S ONLY A FOOT LONG!?

What was I talking about?

My SECOND invention is a doohickey that lets me see alternate universes. It's more a proof of concept than anything else because it would require "thaumanova reactor" levels of power to work properly.

Unfortunately, the reactor exploded quite spectacularly.

It was not my fault. I don't know what you are talking about.

AND MY FINAL INVENTION!

Is... a... weather ball?

Yeah that sounds about right. It probably changed the weather or something. I built it in an afternoon when it was raining and I didn't want to look for a umbrella.

Can you believe no one has built a better version of a telescoping umbrella?

It's a travesty!

I should invent a magic umbrella! You could probably just use a spell array and flow some air magic in it to displace the air without actually spending too much energy and the extranio-

Shush brain. I am busy.

I need to get into a college soon. Those annoying goons from... er... what are they called?

Equestrians? No. Asura don't care about centaurs.

INQUEST!

Yeah, those red clad morons. They keep coming around when I am busy INVENTING MY BABIES and trying to get me to join their stupid club. As if someone of my immense GENIUS would wallow in mediocrity with those fools. They spend all their time being sneaky instead of inventing and piss off everyone they come across. Don't they realize unnecessary confrontations only make things more difficult in the long run?

Although dissecting those plant golems was interesting. They almost look human, even on the inside.

I almost felt sorry for them until one of them mentioned Ventari. I hate that stupid centaur. He was ABSOLUTLLEY NO FRAKKING HELP WHATSOEVER!

If Ventari's Refuge is still around I plan on setting the damned thing on fire the first chance I get.


	3. Chapter 3

I have come to a harsh conclusion.

Everyone other than me seems to be an idiot.

I know. I know. It's a stunning conclusion. I certainly hoped that their would-be others in the world who could appreciate my unbridled genius, but after reviewing the evidence and double checking everything...

There is no other possibility. They are all morons.

"Vaxxi, are you brooding again? We always worry when you go in your lab and turn off all the lights. Last time you shorted out the neighborhoods power."

Mom! When did... what? When did she come in my room. Was she listening to my monologuing again!?

"I'm sure your instructors cant all be idiots. Just because they can't hold a candle to my little savant doesn't make them stupid."

Gah! She pinched my cheeks! My cheeks!

THE SHAME! IT BURNS!

"Stop trying to hide behind your ears. You are worse than your father. Now stop obsessing over things that don't matter and come get some dinner."

No. I am not jumping to conclusions mom. They are morons! All of them! Wait, is this recording her voice too? No! Filter out all voices other than mine your stupid golem machine! How many times do I have to tell you not to reset your settings? What's the point of giving you a battery if you don't save your RAM!?

No, I did not fail my exams. Of course not. What? Why would you want to check my grades? Go away, I'm busy recording my genius for future generations!

This is important data mom! The world needs to know!

AH! Mom! No, I didn't fail! Stop! I aced those idiots exams!

Go away and let me brood!

I'm not grouchy because I haven't eaten all day! I'm grouchy because statics rejected my application!

Did I say that out loud?

GAH! LET GO MOM! NO! DON'T TELL DAD! IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

LINE BREAK

I HAVE BEEN GROUNDED!

Can you believe it? I SURE CANT!

The greatest hero that has ever lived! I'm important!

People know me!

I OWN ALL THE MAHOGANY AND LEATHER-BOUND BOOKS!

And now my allowance to buy goodies to make my inventions has been cut in half.

HALF!

HOW CAN I GET REVENGE WITH ONLY HALF!?

Half a bomb won't fix anything! Half built golems wont pound those fools into bloody piles of meat!

Ever see people get intimidated by fifty percent of a death ray!?

OF COURSE NOT! HALF A DEATH RAY STILL LEAVES YOU VERY MUCH ALIVE! ITS JUST A NORMAL RAY!

I HAVE NO USE FOR A NORMAL RAY! I CAN'T SWIM!

Sigh... Calm down. Calm down. It's no big deal. I have put up with worse.

I put up living in a burnt-out wasteland for two years, listening to the orders of a bunch of BRAIN DEAD MORONS! So I can put up with this.

My application to statics may have been rejected with... somewhat colorful language, but Synergistics and Dynamics are more my alley anyway. Statics is for boring idiots who like sitting around playing with kids toys anyway.

The other two colleges are much more willing to take... risks.

Not that I am a risk. Any college should be honored to be graced with my incredible genius.

Oh. My mailbox alert is going off. Back in a sec.

….

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! CHOKE ON A CIRCUIT BOARD AND DIE SYNERGISTICS!


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Oh boy, more Guild Wars 2 fun!**

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Legend Squared: Chapter 4 - The Snaff Prize

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At long last.

After far too many years.

My college days are soon to be over.

And no, it isn't because those skritt brained inquest hacked all the golems and destroyed the college facilities.

It was a long journey. Getting denied over and over before finally threatening the head of Dynamics with a grisly death. Staying up late every night pouring over every little bit of work I was given until I knew everything like the back of my hand.

Spending literally all of my free time designing tools to use against the elder dragons, only for all my proposals to be ignored or shot down due to my age and lack of experience.

Me, a lack of experience! Can you believe it?

What a crock.

But not for long. Today at long last, is the Snaff prize competition. Once my Krewe wins the big prize I will be a recognized genius. The cream of the crop among my peers. No longer will my knowledge and experience be called into question whenever I bring up the possibility of inverting the magical flux matrix in an unconfined area to cause a total collapse of molecular data in a dragon sized object.

The grant money is also a big draw. I am running quite low on funds and the money my parents left me will not be enough to cover my living expenses and my inventions.

And I must say, my invention is quite revolutionary.

* * *

I waddle, and yes waddle is a much more accurate word for asura walking when they are carrying a heavy load, up to the massive golem my Krewe is operating on. As usual Kazz and Doxa are trading what must pass for flirting or some nonsense.

As the leader of our little Krewe, I instead plop down the box of tools I was carrying (with authority) and call for their attention.

"Okay geniuses, and Kazz, is everything ready?" I ask in my best "Authoritative commanding voice" that still sounds too high pitched and squeaky to really take seriously.

Kazz and Doxa stop their strange fliting and tinkering with the golem and Hronk just loses all composure and throws his hands up in the air screaming.

"PANIC! Our Massively impressive Golem isn't working! I can't figure out why, it worked just fine at the lab!"

I walk forward and give the golems center chassis a punch and listen to the hollow thud.

"That's because the capacitors, the thing keeping it from setting Doxa's brain on fire, are missing. The fail safes are doing their job and keeping it from powering up."

Doxa reaches over and smacks her boyfriend on the back of the head with a wrench. "That's your job, Kazz. I pilot, you maintain, Hronk panics and screams, and Vlaxxi designs. You are so lucky I love you so much or we would have replaced you with that fragile midget months ago!"

Kazz rubs the back of his head and swipes the offending wrench out of her hand before she can go back for another swing. "I love you too my dulcet toned honey viper, but I _did_ put them in. Same time I did the rest of the checkup back at the lab. Someone must have swiped them."

I stare blankly at the two who keep doing their odd bickering. Clearly someone sabotaged my invention, and all my instincts honed by being betrayed by just about half the people I have ever met point to it being that idiot Teyo's job. She has been gunning for me for the last couple of years ever since I told her to go shove her head in a composter and had a golem toss her out of a second story window.

But more importantly...

"Dulcet-toned honey-viper?" I ask incredulously, "Are you writing a sappy romance novel to sell to old crones now Kazz?"

Hronks apparently wasn't finished because he grabs me by the shoulders, spins me around, and pushes me towards our staging area. "Ask questions later! We must have left them in our staging area!"

I can't believe we let this dolt get listed as the leader of our Krewe. Darn registration forms.

Also, why am I fetching it? Kazz is the labor!

Whatever.

Our staging area isn't far away, just up the hill.

Hills suck when you have short legs by the way.

Inside the overhang of the temporary lab setup I see a handful of morons huddled around my work area.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A couple of dirty skritt looking for shinys?"

The red clad idiots look up from my notes to see me stalking towards them. Teyo, as expected, has the same petulant smart ass look on her face as she usually does.

Grenth take me, I hate her with a passion.

If there was anything about Ascalon I miss, and there isn't much of that burning hellscape I remember fondly, it's the simple fact that everyone who looked like you was on your team. No one betrayed us, we didn't have an evil Vizier trying to destroy everything, we just fought the Charr with all we had and every single Ascalonian gave it their all every single day.

The entire idea that the Inquest represents, focusing on their own goals and actively sabotaging others when the entire world is on the brink of collapse?

It sickens me at a very basic level.

Don't even get me started on those idiot bandits in Kryta. Humans are already at war with the centaurs, dragons, and until recently the Charr, they don't need internal division getting in the way. I'm told even Ebonhawke, the last bastion of my home nation is home to rebellion and internal strife.

It doesn't help that there is no one for me to rant and rave about human politics with. They just don't come up in conversation in Rata Sum.

But I digress, I have some thieves to take care of.

"Shut up you pusillanimous pinhead! We aren't stealing anything!" Tayo shouts in her usual explosive, and stupid, anger.

The incredible subtlety and nuance to her rebuttal astounds me to the point where all I can do is stare wide eyed at the idiots for several seconds.

How someone like her manages to get in the good graces of an actual genius like Kudu I will never know.

"Oh really skritt brain? Because it sure looks like it. Are you so desperate for an actual work of art, unlike that pathetic Grizwhirl you threw together out of trash and spare parts, that you are willing to resort to making imitations of my genius? Did having that talking plant on your Krewe stunt your brain that much?"

Her face is turning red. That's a good sign, an angry Teyo is one that is easy to hit in the face with something embarrassing.

Oh and her face is getting closer.

Her arm comes up to hit me with one of her shoddily build devices, but like the genius I am, I came prepared!

All it takes is a light tap of my belt and an arc of lightning shoots out quicker than thoughts and electrocutes the three would be thieves. They flop, twist, and howl like mad dogs before the charge in the battery runs dry and they fall to the ground unconscious.

The A.E.D. device, one of my favorite inventions. Not only can it deliver sub-lethal shocks to my enemies, but in an emergency, it can jump start my own heart!

This would be the part where I try to sell you one, but the council once again blocked my attempts to distribute what they called, "Immature, poorly thought out murder weapons".

I'll have you know all my murder weapons are incredibly well researched.

"What in the eternal alchemy is going on here!?" A stern, almost unpalatably annoying voice comes from behind me. Do my ears deceive me?

I turn around and get a good look at Councilor Yahk, the Inquest representative, and his massive forehead.

It is one heck of a glossy dome I must admit.

"Greetings Councilor, I was simply detaining some would be thieves." I say in as even a tone as I possibly can. Yahk, for an Inquest, isn't half bad himself to be honest which is probably why they send him to the council at all. Put your best foot forward or something. But the bulwark browed dingbat still follows the rules of those idiots, so I am obligated to dislike him.

Plus, I think he may have stolen several of my patent requests and sent them to the inquest.

"Calumny and slander!" Teyo forces herself to her feet and points angrily at me, "We were called in to consult on a snaff price entry, and when we did this blackguard attacked us!"

I can't help but scoff at that, "What airheaded fool could possibly need your assistance Teyo? I have a skritt living in my attic that knows more about magic induced transmigration interference than you."

He does too, he keeps reading my notes when I am getting snacks. Someday I will learn his name.

"Now, now. Things get heated when a prize is on the line. Let's just take a breath, count to ten, and get back to work. No harm done eh?" Yahk, ever the mediator, tried to defuse the situation. The old bag really is like some sort of foggy old grandpa or something. He actually kind of reminds me of Mhenlo when he was trying to keep Cynn from setting all his female friends on fire.

Of course, Mhenlo didn't work for an evil cult hell bent on world domination. He worked for me. A single individual who functionally already did control the world. Although I didn't technically pay him, I just let him keep a portion of the goodies we looted from the corpses of our enemies.

It was a good gig.

"No harm done?" both I and Teyo shout at the same time, "She electrocuted me!"/"Those idiots tried to sabotage our MIG golem!"

Yahk's face gets significantly less jovial, "Now that is a serious accusation to level. On behalf of the Arcane Council I suggest you both file complaints. After the competition is over." He shifts back into his usual grandfatherly tone, "Now off, off you go!"

What an airhead.

Teyo stomps past me angrily but stops to get one last word in as I pick up my GLORIOUS CAPACITORS!

"Enjoy those capacitors, and good luck. You are going to need it."

I can't help but laugh.

"Oh, little Teyo, when will you ever learn. Genius's don't need luck. We have skill."

* * *

The capacitors go in smooth as butter, and in no time, we are impressing the judges with our incredible mind-golem interface.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to relay the instructions back and forth a hundred times a second without the natural fluctuations in the background magic index short circuiting the golems lattice, or more importantly, the operators' brain?

It's pretty glitching difficult.

But the demonstration goes well, exactly as planned.

Kazz didn't even have to resort to his cue cards. He managed to get almost every word down pat.

"I've seen enough councilor" Zojja says while looking at our golem with enough interest that I am genuinely worried she might be thinking of stealing it, "The invention that best exemplifies Snaffs legacy is the MIG by the college of Dynamics."

YEEHAH!

As the ever calm and collected genius I am, I can't let anything show, but inside my entire brain is exploding into fireworks! We won!

Sure, Hronk is technically the Krewe leader and gets his share of the credit, but I designed, fabricated, tested, and built a genuine work of genius!

With a itsy little bit of help of course.

Fame! Fortune! Grant money!

ALL WILL BE MI- What now?

"What's it doing?" Everyone seems to have the same thought at once and steps back from the machine just before it spins up with Doxa still inside and goes on a rampage around the circle.

"OH NO!" I shout, "If we kill the judges again who will award me my prize!?"

* * *

 **Ill be honest. I have no clue where I am going with this story.**

 **It's quite fun though.**


End file.
